International leaders have rushed to welcome Kosovo's unilateral declaration of independence in the hope that maybe Kosovans will finally 'shut the fuck up'.

European nations in particular are said to be thoroughly sick of the winging attitude of Kosovans, who have spent the last decade complaining loudly about Serbia's hold over the so-called 'country'.

Welcoming Kosovo's independence, German Foreign Minister Hans M. Schnauser told the media that he hoped that Kosovans would finally leave everyone else alone.

"Every time they've been bullied they've come crying to us. I say to every Kosovan today: You have pestered us for ten years, stamped your feet and sulkily snitched on your brothers in Serbia. Now, take your independence, give us all a break and shut the fuck up."