Plagiarised by more successful satirists
 
 07 August 2008
Issue 30
Top Stories

Residents in Georgia, US, Paranoid About Russian Invasion

Heath Ledger Stalls Over Contract for Next Batman Film

McCain: America Ready to Elect First Disabled President

Met Police to Tackle Growing Threat of Tourism 

Civil Rights Demonstrators call for End to Segregation of Laundry

London Commuter Fails to Mind the Gap


Future News

Charles Kennedy Assassinated in Dallas, Texas


From the Archive

John McCain Vows to Mislead Americans into the Next Decade

Crash Leaves Morgan Freeman in Critically Acclaimed Condition  


 







 













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Met Police to Tackle Growing Threat of Tourism
By The Proper Gandhi ◦ 07-08-2008
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Another tourist sneaks through police surveillance
London's Metropolitan Police have announced bold new measures to tackle the growing threat of tourism in and around the capital.
Speaking at a police press conference on Wednesday, Commissioner Sir Ian Blair said that tourists remain the single biggest threat to commuters across London.

"By constantly obstructing people's paths, tourists are threatening our way of life", said Blair.

"Londoners should keep their eyes open for anyone carrying a camera who looks lost and bewildered, and report them immediately".

Several tourist suspects were secretly arrested this week in accordance with the 2005 Prevention of Tourism Act.

The suspects were seen "asking for directions, looking confusedly at train timetables and having no clue whatsoever how to use their Oyster Cards".

The Met Police's announcement comes after Government plans to heighten security in the UK's major airports were unveiled this week.

"We cannot allow international tourists to enter this country", said Home Secretary Jacqui Smith.

"Airports will be given the power to report and detain any foreign nationals who carry suitcases, fumble over simple English phrases and fail to understand the most basic of sign posts".

Image courtesy of zimpenfish's Flickrstream via the Creative Commons



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