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 13 May 2008
Issue 23
Brown: I Just Want to Get On with Leading the Country Astray

God Admits Burma Cyclone Actually Intended for New Orleans

Mud Hut Prices Plummet Across Zimbabwe

Indiana Jones Plot Details to be Revealed Throughout Film

Middle East Continues Occupation of UK Corner Shops

Power of Positive Drinking 'Really Helped Me' says Depressed Local Man

 







 














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Middle East Continues Occupation of UK Corner Shops
By The Proper Gandhi ◦ 13-05-2008
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Occupation unlikely to end, says Jacqui Smith
The Middle East's ongoing occupation of UK corner shops is unlikely to end in the foreseeable future, says Home Secretary Jacqui Smith.

The Home Office says a surge in Asian immigrants is expected in the second half of the year, with a majority of these joining the first battalion of shopkeepers.

The occupation has proved controversial since the Pakistan-led invasion of 1953. In 2001, racist fighting broke out in the Northern town of Bradford, where several immigrants were wounded by insurgent members of the National Front.

"They come here and steal our jobs", said National Front member, Callum Venison. "It was always my dream to work full-time in a corner shop, and because the Asians have control of every corner shop in sight, that'll never happen".

There have been several high profile cases of Middle Eastern shopkeepers being discharged from their posts, due to the imposition of stringent deportation laws.

"If I had it my way they'd all be deported", said Venison. "Immigration laws in the UK are soft...that's why I moved to Australia".

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