In bed with the entire world
 
Guaranteed to waste your working day!
 22 January 2008
Issue 16
Hillary Clinton Survives Character Assassination: Several Aides Wounded

Disappointment as Stricken BA Plane Fails to Destroy Hounslow

Bush: My Version of History Will Judge Me Just Fine


Portuguese Police Release Latest Sketch of Maddie Suspects

Gordon Brown Denies Allegations of Legal Behaviour


Extremist Website Incorporates Carefully Worded Disclaimer

January Sales Claim Record Number of Male Suicides

Keegan Given Just Three Games to Save His Job



 












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Keegan Given Just Three Games to Save His Job
By Alan Handsome 22-Jan-2008
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Keegan: Bricking it
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Newcastle United's trigger happy board of directors have issued a vote of no confidence to recently appointed manager Kevin Keegan - giving the Geordie favourite just three games to save his job.

Keegan, who made a surprise return to St James' Park last week, concedes that he is under pressure after a dismal 0-0 draw at home to Bolton this past weekend. In a post match press conference, the Magpies boss said he understands the decision of the board, who have worked with five managers in three years. "At the end of the day I've got to hold my hands up an say 'I've blown it'. The poor performance at the weekend was not good enough for these fans, and I'm clearly failing to live up to the early hype".

Newcastle owner Mike Ashley spoke of his hasty decision to appoint Keegan, saying "hindsight is twenty twenty. If I'd have known last week what I know now, I'd have never appointed the has-been".

Despite the turmoil, the Newcastle players have given their full backing to Keegan, with Goalkeeper, Shay Given, saying "I'd at least give him until Easter, and if he continues to fuck up we'll just get some foreign bloke in".

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