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 13 May 2008
Issue 23
Brown: I Just Want to Get On with Leading the Country Astray

God Admits Burma Cyclone Actually Intended for New Orleans

Mud Hut Prices Plummet Across Zimbabwe

Indiana Jones Plot Details to be Revealed Throughout Film

Middle East Continues Occupation of UK Corner Shops

Power of Positive Drinking 'Really Helped Me' says Depressed Local Man

 







 













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Power of Positive Drinking 'Really Helped Me' says Depressed Local Man
By The Proper Gandhi ◦ 13-05-2008
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Gordon Hiller: putting his problems behind him...until the morning after
A depressed local man says embracing the 'power of positive drinking' has really helped him get over his problems.

Gordon Hiller, 34, says he has suffered from depression ever since being made redundant in 2002. "I went to therapists and read self-help books, but I just couldn't get out of the rut. Then a friend of mine with a similar problem suggested I try Vodka. I haven't looked back since".

In the past year alone, Mr Hiller has prescribed himself over 200 types of alcohol, with port being his favourite.

"I try to drink several positive ports a day...it really does help me get over my problem...until the morning after, of course".

Meanwhile, psychiatrist, Peter Morgan, says he wouldn't recommend positive drinking as a means of combating depression.

"Absolutely not...the side effects are notoriously bad. Mr Hiller would be much better off pursuing a lifetime of pills".

A report issued recently by a heath awareness group showed that over two million UK citizens regularly practice the power of positive drinking, with three quarters of these being middle-aged men with deep-rooted issues regarding who they are.

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© Daily Fortnight News Corporation

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