God's Self Belief 'Badly Damaged by Atheists'
By
The Proper Gandhi ◦
04-Dec-2007
God: Feeling like a nobody
Almighty God tearfully admitted to the world’s press today that he
has struggled in recent weeks with poor self belief, due to a
growing number of atheists ‘bad mouthing him'
with insulting slogans such as 'In Nothing we Trust'.
Speaking from the gates of heaven this morning, God revealed to the Daily Fortnight that he has “yielded recently to some key atheist viewpoints,” and that he is losing belief in himself as a result.
"When a bully picks on a victim in the school playground, the victim - instead of hating the bullies - wishes he was more like them. That is how I feel. The Atheists are the bullies and I the victim. I wish I was more like them but instead I'm a nobody...a fucking nobody," said a distraught God.
God has tried to combat his low mood by attending regular counselling sessions, as well as receiving psychiatry and hypnotherapy. However, these have failed to have any impact due to God's scepticism over what he calls pseudo-science. "What can they tell me that I don't already know? I mean I'm God for...for God's sake!"
In view of God's revelation, Christians the world over have been reassessing their beliefs, with some asking "how can we believe in God if he doesn't believe in himself?"
On the other hand, a number of children have confirmed God's existence by saying they were "once touched by him," though many of these have since pressed sexual assault charges for the same reason.
Speaking from the gates of heaven this morning, God revealed to the Daily Fortnight that he has “yielded recently to some key atheist viewpoints,” and that he is losing belief in himself as a result.
"When a bully picks on a victim in the school playground, the victim - instead of hating the bullies - wishes he was more like them. That is how I feel. The Atheists are the bullies and I the victim. I wish I was more like them but instead I'm a nobody...a fucking nobody," said a distraught God.
God has tried to combat his low mood by attending regular counselling sessions, as well as receiving psychiatry and hypnotherapy. However, these have failed to have any impact due to God's scepticism over what he calls pseudo-science. "What can they tell me that I don't already know? I mean I'm God for...for God's sake!"
In view of God's revelation, Christians the world over have been reassessing their beliefs, with some asking "how can we believe in God if he doesn't believe in himself?"
On the other hand, a number of children have confirmed God's existence by saying they were "once touched by him," though many of these have since pressed sexual assault charges for the same reason.
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