In what has perhaps been one of their boldest escalations of public threats to date, North Korea has managed to leverage national defense and public health concerns in the West by declaring their intention to enrich Uranium with swine flu.
Sources in Pyongyang cite the North Korean leadership’s recent frustrations with the media’s recent attention on the swine flu.
“We felt that everyone had simply stopped paying attention to our standard Uranium enrichment threats. It got to the point where we were sending out daily threat press releases and we were hearing nothing.” said General Paek Hak-nim, North Korean Minister of Public Security. “Then it suddenly struck us that we could turn the swine flu distraction to our advantage.”
“There was an obvious synergy between the threat of enriched Uranium and the threat of swine flu,” explained North Korean leader Kim Jung Il. “Someone was going to put them together. I’m just glad we thought of it first,” he added as he softly stroked a Persian cat.
As members of the G8 met today in Brussels, discussions of possible responses to the new North Korean threat continued. While most of the G8 leaders contemplated the situation, French President Nicola Sarkozi took immediate action by threatening to walk out.
As the United Nations Security Council met in closed session, an anonymous source at the United Nations expressed resigned acceptance of the shift in international hegemony that North Korea’s announcement creates. “I’m afraid this is checkmate. However evil and repressive the North Korean leadership is, you have to hand it to them: they just added ‘brilliant’ and ‘diabolical’ to their already-cartoonishly-evil résumé with one swift stroke,” he said.
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