In a widely reported story, United States President Barack Obama killed a fly during an interview with CNBC’s John Harwood on Wednesday, prompting Eugene Whistlebottom, Prime Minister of Musca Domestica, to issue a statement regarding the attack:

“This entirely unwarranted and unprovoked assault is an egregious insult to the entire nation of Musca Domestica. Melissa “Gossamer” Wings, the victim of President Obama’s vicious hand slap, was a widowed mother of thirty-seven thousand. She wasn’t trying to harm the President, and posed no threat other than perhaps being a carrier of one or two fatal diseases. Particularly insulting was his gloating remark, ‘I got the sucker.’ She had not even had a chance to suck his blood.

“We shall not take this attack lightly; rather, we shall move swiftly to respond to this declaration of war. We feel confident that our allies, including but not necessarily limited to horse flies, dragon flies and yes, in these dire circumstances even bees and wasps, will join us in defending our rights to buzz about whomever’s head we please. Sadly, the mayflies will not be with us, as every time their delegation agrees to a plan, they die before they can tell anyone else about it.

“But mayflies not withstanding, the United States should tremble in their red, white and blue boots. If they thought terrorism was a problem, wait until they face germ warfare. We practically invented it.”

When asked for comment, a White House spokesman simply replied, “We’re ready. We’ve issued fly swatters to the National Guard, and Homeland Security has ordered several cans of Raid for when the situation escalates.”

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