More Fat Cat Sightings Reported in Local Area

For many people fat cat sightings are a phenomenon perpetuated by redtop tabloids and the further reaches of the media, but to the residents of Localshire, fat cats have become a frightening reality, particularly for Lady Camilla Sackville-Smyth of Winslow Court who now fears for her lifestyle after an encounter with a fat cat last Saturday.

“I was genuinely taken aback, as I had heard the rumours like everyone else in the village that a fat cat was on the prowl in the area. It wasn’t until I was out deadheading the last of my summer roses in the palatial grounds of my manor house that I became aware of the presence of a fat cat. He circled around slowly on my gravel drive in a top-of-the-range black Mercedes, sizing up my property with a venal look in his eye. When he saw me watching he came to a sharp stop, and stared intently at me, as if he were weighing me up to make some kind of an offer".

“Although my heart was beating double time, I calmly put my secateurs down and slowly inched backwards into the safety of my orangery. The hairs were standing up on the back of my neck. In the end he put his nose in the air with disdainful arrogance and drove away at a slow purr leaving no trace,” Lady Camilla said nervously.

Local police officers are worried that it will only be a matter of time before a well-to-do house-owner is savagely assailed into accepting an offer for one of the highly-sought-after properties in the upmarket section of the Localshire area, leaving the vendor confused and homeless.