
A terrifying report released by U.S. television network ABC has revealed that millions of otherwise healthy people were left housebound on Sunday following a short outbreak of Oscar fever.
The fever, which can turn perfectly intelligent men and women into mindless, celeb-obsessed drones, is said to have affected around 43 million in the U.S. alone and a further 9 million in the UK.
"Oscar fever can be very serious," said ABC's entertainment blogger Shelia Marikar. "Footage of Marion Cotillard walking along the red carpet can cause a dramatic increase in male temperatures, and George Clooney waving has been known to cause fainting among females".
While the exact cause of Oscar fever is still somewhat of a mystery, Hollywood insiders have discovered that it tends to affect people once a year.
"It's usually around this time of year that sufferers become infected and it can be difficult to shake off for days afterward", continued Marikar. "This year has been particularly bad. The fever is causing thousands of usually indifferent movie-goers to reflect on issues such as Sandra Bullock's performance in The Blind Side or Kathryn Bigelow's astute directing of The Hurt Locker."
Several treatments have been suggested in the media this week, with many sufferers being prescribed access to magazines such as Hello and FHM. However, many of these prescriptions are said to produce serious side effects that could lead to a complete lack of productivity.



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