Fake Viagra Man 'Only Wanted to Ease Global
Wanking Crisis'
By Thomas de Laurense
◦
18-Sep-2007
Thousands queued to leave a deposit
A man described as ‘the key player’ in the UK arm of a global
conspiracy to sell fake Viagra over the internet said today he
"only wanted to ease the global wanking
crisis".
Ashish Halai, 33, was the mastermind behind shipping hundreds of thousands of fake Viagra pills to males in the UK who he said wanted to "get some serious wood".
But Halai – today sentenced to 4 and a half years in prison – said that he was only trying to ease the pressure caused by the current wanking crisis which has seen customers of Northern Cock queuing for hours to be beaten off ferociously by staff – sometimes two at a time.
Speaking outside the Royal Courts of Justice this morning Mr Halai's lawyer said that the businessman was an economic visionary who would be hailed for years to come.
"Mr Halai foresaw this crisis two or three years ago. The collapse in male wanking confidence worldwide became obvious to him and his associates. He wanted to ease pressure on the global wanking community".
However despite Mr Halai’s efforts, the slide in the market – caused by sub-prime wankers in the US - continued today, causing Chancellor Alistair Darling to guarantee that he would satisfy every wanker in the UK should the need arise.
But catastrophically Mr Darling’s guarantees only fuelled the crisis further as men lost even more libido at the thought of an encounter with Darling.
Downing street sources say an emergency cabinet has been convened this afternoon to look at what might be done to boost male confidence and bring the UK out of this downwards recession.
Ashish Halai, 33, was the mastermind behind shipping hundreds of thousands of fake Viagra pills to males in the UK who he said wanted to "get some serious wood".
But Halai – today sentenced to 4 and a half years in prison – said that he was only trying to ease the pressure caused by the current wanking crisis which has seen customers of Northern Cock queuing for hours to be beaten off ferociously by staff – sometimes two at a time.
Speaking outside the Royal Courts of Justice this morning Mr Halai's lawyer said that the businessman was an economic visionary who would be hailed for years to come.
"Mr Halai foresaw this crisis two or three years ago. The collapse in male wanking confidence worldwide became obvious to him and his associates. He wanted to ease pressure on the global wanking community".
However despite Mr Halai’s efforts, the slide in the market – caused by sub-prime wankers in the US - continued today, causing Chancellor Alistair Darling to guarantee that he would satisfy every wanker in the UK should the need arise.
But catastrophically Mr Darling’s guarantees only fuelled the crisis further as men lost even more libido at the thought of an encounter with Darling.
Downing street sources say an emergency cabinet has been convened this afternoon to look at what might be done to boost male confidence and bring the UK out of this downwards recession.
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